The Unveiling

Who will cherish the memories of your wedding night for the longest time? Well if you did it right, it will be the couple in the room next to yours.

Traditionally the wedding night is the first time a couple will see each other undressed and experience the power of Love expressed through physical contact. If that describes you and your partner then you’re in for a treat, I hope. On the other hand let’s just imagine for a moment, and I’m going out on a limb here, that the two of you have been intimate before. Either way this will be a special night and for that reason should be approached in a special way.

First let’s address the atmosphere. Hotel rooms in and of themselves have a certain romantic quality, however they can look and feel a bit sterile. This can be easily combated with a few minor adjustments in the room:

• Bring a few battery powered candles which come in a number of extremely convincing varieties.
• Replace the lightbulbs in the lamps with bulbs that imitate flaming torches to add some color and movement to the room.
• Bathroom lighting is always harsh and no one needs to see themselves that clearly unless they are doing some sort of surgical procedure. String Christmas lights around the mirror for a beautiful glow. Red, Amber or white but avoid LEDs.
• If you’re a couple that uses oils, lubricants, birth control, toys, etc. have them laid out on the nightstand so there’s no need to get up and break the romantic flow of the evening.
• Another wonderful thing to have within arm’s reach is a little post-sexual treat like chocolate or a slice of your wedding cake.
• A commercial for hemorrhoid cream can put the brakes on the romance so consider arranging some commercial free music. Whatever kind of music you and your partner normally like to groove to consider choosing a playlist that will maximize the vibe of the night.
• Having chilled champagne in the room adds a celebratory element but don’t drink so much that you can’t perform or can’t remember your new spouses name.

Politics have no place in the bedroom and your partner’s comfort supersedes political correctness so here are some double standards. (Please forgive us for just addressing male-female relationships at the moment).

Men, do not hand your partner a special outfit to go change into on your wedding night. First of all, she will almost definitely have this taken care of. Secondly, if she’s not wearing a special outfit it’s because she doesn’t want to and your wedding night would not be the right time to litigate this.

Next on the list of what she wants tonight is for everything to be special and memorable in a good way. Be patient, attentive and fully present but don’t introduce any new tricks, positions or toys. This is the most important night for her to know that you are content just being with her. She wants to get lost in the moment and not have to wonder which one of your idiot Friends thought ring toss might somehow add to the romance.

I promised you some double standards so here they are.

Ladies, you are completely invited to present your man with a gift of sexy pajamas or undergarments.

You are also encouraged to throw in a surprise or two where it comes to your physical repertoire. The reason I use the word “encouraged” is because for the most part men need a little variable to help them remember an event.

Don’t read farther if you are uncomfortable with talking about the specifics of lingerie….

Most men love to see their partner in lingerie. It not only looks sexy and highlights the attributes he fell in love with but it also shows effort. While it can be extremely sexy to strip off the lingerie don’t underestimate how sexy it is for the lingerie to stay on for the rest of the evening. I’m just going to spell it out for you: Try to get lingerie that does not have to be removed in order to gain access. Also, consider wearing a satin robe for the big reveal.
While there is only one wedding night, if you are on your honeymoon there will be lots more fun to be had. Extra outfits, toys and treats can make for a memorable, sexy and hopefully exhausting honeymoon. The fact that you haven’t come out of your room for days may lead other guests to believe that you are quarantining even if you’re not.

Last but not least, is the record of the wedding night. Whether it’s for your wedding album or your Instagram, timing is everything. Let’s just say the photo should be taken early in the evening while your hair and makeup is still fresh.